Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Ketchup Effect

ketchup effect
video: http://www.ketchupeffect.com/ketchupeffect.wmv

The Ketchup Effect (Swedish title “Hip Hip Hora”) is a Swedish teen comedy film

In this scene, a young boy (who bears the resemblance of Jamie Oliver) asks his girlfriend to give him a blow-job at first, but she did not feel like it. Therefore, he falls back onto a hand-job request.

When she replied that she did not know how to perform a hand-job, he offered his help by telling her “imaging you are holding a bottle of ketchup and you want to get the ketchup out…

This video has also reminded me of the super-innocent girl, whom shall remain anonymous, my friend Matt once dated.

She gave him a handjob by grabbing his penis and dug her thumb along the groove underneath the corona, (aka. glanis penis).

After he told us his experience, she then was only known as “The Thumb”.


This is just like one of the aloha airlines jokes, where you get airline tickets but are seated instead in midwest airlines because you had demanded middle seats in the hawaiian airlines you were going to board.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Nutjobs are Getting Younger

Less than 24 hours after I have posted about strange comments I have received via email, I got messaged by “mimi_mew2006” this afternoon.

Mimi_mew2006”, aka. Brianna, is a 13 year old whom seeks attention online by striking up conversations with random strangers. For a second, I was concerned about her safety; I even forwarded her a link to MSNBC’s story about online predators.

Then I thought to myself, “what the f*ck do I care, it’s her parent’s problem.”

After half hour or so, I was bored of her and eventually blocked her from message me ever again. Hopefully she did not feel rejected and go slash her own wrists or do something equivalent stupid.

nutjob mini_mew2006
(transcript)

Although, I was happy about my line of "unfortunately I am the type of person that would drown babies in bathtubs so I can steal their candy."


Update: Nutjob "brianna" is trolling for responses. As of right now, I truly wish she did slash up her own wrist, here is a demo video (not wrist, just buttom of the foot).

nutjob mini_mew2006 2
(transcript)

Honorary Chinese

Staples has released another crappy commercial about their giant red “easy” button. This time they have drawn inspiration from the Chinese.

By pushing the “easy” button, the Great Wall of China was erected and protecting its citizens from invading Mongols.

Unfortunately, just like many Chinese restaurants' kitchen staff, the emperor’s foot soldier is Mexican. Not Chinese-Mexican, just pure simple Mexican.

honorary chinese
video: http://tinyurl.com/k2zgx

Plus, the emperor was not speaking Mandarin Chinese when the commercial showed English caption “dang”. What he said was "sei laa" (), which is "death" in Cantonese.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Nutjob Leaves Strange Comment about Cosmopolitan Magazine

Once in a while I would get emails and comments from people that are "a little off".

This is one of those times.

Gmail - New comment on Open Letter to Cosmopolitan Magazine
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=103960660&size=o

Here are some highlights:

"i had menorrhagia for years"

"i have had trouble with men all my life and i am still plagued by nuts and people who are just awful."

"i had to wear depend briefs because i was being raped quite a bit by mexicans and very handsome white drifters."

"the blacks are morally inept and jealous of damn sex."


Related: My original entry "Open Letter to Cosmopolitan Magazine" on Hanzismatter.com

HOWTO: Watch The IT Crowd from Outside of UK

For some unknown reason(s), Channel4’s sitcom “The IT Crowd” is blocked from non-UK users, including myself.

Today I have discovered a very simple way to get around it:

1. In Firefox, under Tools, select Options…

firefox tools

2. Under General, click on Connection Settings…

firefox options

3. Type in “83.100.217.53” in HTTP Proxy field, “80” in Port field, and check Use this proxy server fro all protocols. (more proxy IPs can be found here)

firefox connection settings

4. Click OK to return to browser screen and enjoy the show.

Reverse the steps if you are paranoid about unknown proxy servers.


Update: Feb. 27, 2006 - Michael Belisle is a little bit butt-hurt about how he was “the one first discovered public proxy servers.” To prove his point, he has even included a link to his recent comment on my site.

To be honest, I did not even notice his previous comment until I received his comment today sounding like a cry-baby.

I am sorry Michael, would you like some cookies to shove them up your ass to feel better?

ps. Michael, perhaps you have also invented the internet just like Al Gore?

Gmail - Michael Belisle

Ha Ha Ha America


http://festival.sundance.org/2006/watch/film.aspx?which=402

Ha Ha Ha America is a short film made by Jon Daniel Ligon in 2005 and it was shown at 2006 Sundance Film Festival.

The description of this film says “a translated harangue from China to the U. S. A. that laughs at Americans’ missteps.”

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

SBS Dateline Abu Ghraib


(mp4 file video)

On Wednesday 16 February 2006, Australian public broadcaster SBS current affairs program DATELINE telecast a segment featuring 60 new photos of the torture inflicted on prisoners in the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. These photos were secured by court order - the ACLU figures prominently in the report - but these photos haven't yet been shown in the media anywhere in the United States.


Related: BBC, Boingboing, Guardian UK, Reuter UK, SBS Dateline

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Beggars Compared

There are three differences between American and Chinese beggars: ethnicity, objective, and method.

Most of American beggars are White or Black, rarely Hispanics. The reason there aren’t any Hispanics is because the public has no sympathy for them. When most Americans see a brown-skin person, they automatically assume he is an illegal immigrant from Mexico (And if the brownie is at the airport, he is either a terrorist or food service worker). Most of Chinese beggars are from the poor villages, begging in the cities is they last resort for survival.

American beggars always ask for money but never willing to work for it, and eventually they will spend their money on booze or drugs (or upgrade to a larger shopping cart from Costco). Often, American beggars sound like telemarketers reading from a script. Hispanics do not beg; they would wait at labor market early in the morning for day-labor work. (I know this for fact, because I live in Arizona.) Aside from financial assistance, Chinese beggars would ask for fair treatment, fight for corruption, and etc (except “Whirled Peas”).

American beggars would automatically hold out cardboard signs with keywords like “hungry/work for food”, “veteran” and “God bless”. The “God bless” part has always annoyed me. If God was really looking out for you, then you would not be ending up on the streets, would you now? Perhaps the “God bless” is like the lucky-rabbit-foot, but I am doing pretty well before I saw your sign, therefore I will ignore it. Some beggars try to be funny with their signs like this guy:

Homeless Sign

Chinese beggars are very creative and sometimes impressive. Recently I have scored this photo set from Jon Rahoi, an American living in China.

Notice the poor fellow sitting under the payphone (top center). He has written down his hardship on the sidewalk in chalk. Every single character is written neatly as if it was printed. That takes some serious effort and dedication.

Chinese Beggar 1
Chinese Beggar 2

Jon writes: “The handwriting is what attracts people to read these long pleas for help. They can draw crowds. The beggars get a box of regular colored schoolchildren's chalk, and very firmly, very surely start writing. They don't waver or erase. They take their time, and it comes out looking like a font. Fascinating.

There are a lot of these people (impressive chalk writers) around, though they may have moved on now that New Year's is done. I'm here for 5 more days or so - I'll keep my eyes open for more, if you'd like.”

If I ever meet one of these Chalk-writing beggars in China, I would definitely hand over a Benjamin Chairman Mao.


Related: Flickr - Beggars in China

Yellow Fever Valentine

Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be nice to share something that is love and romance related. Some of you may say “hey, Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday, it is fake…”

I know that.

After all, we are living in a civilized world (or at least most of us do); we have to respect everyone’s believes and believe-nots, even when some of them don’t think Prophet Mohammad wearing a bomb turban with lit fuse is funny.

On other hand, I am sure there are many people would be offended while watching physical disabled Kung Fu masters battle to the death (one of them has nubs for arms!).

Alright, the video I am about to share with you all comes from fellow Chinkie Philip Wang from UCSD called “Yellow Fever”.

It starts with Philip feeling sexually frustrated when all the Asian sistas are being snatched up by White dudes. Personally I think it is absurd to think “me Chinese boy, you Chinese girl, you be my wife.”

The reason we are in the States are:

1. higher education,
2. sample the large variety of ladies and gentlemen,
3. steal nuclear secrets (zing! The last one was a joke, or is it?)

Thursday, February 9, 2006

Running Scared For Nothing

I personally absolutely hate websites that require registrations. When I saw on Boingboing.net’s news about New Line Cinema requires web users to submit their drivers’ license or state identification information in order to access certain parts of their website, I was pissed.

New Line Cinema claims that parts of their site contain materials that are not suitable for underage viewers, that is why they require all web visitors to hand over their true identities.

“To ensure verification, please provide information as it is listed on your current Drivers License or State issued ID. By clicking on the "submit" button, I agree that I am at least 17 years of age, I authorize you to confirm my age by checking the accuracy of the information I have submitted against the government-issued identification, and I agree to the Terms of Use governing this website.”

And if you value your privacy, and enter phony info, here's what you'll see:

New Line Cinema - Verification

“SORRY | We are unable to process your information at this time. | Please double check to make sure your name and zip code are entered exactly as they appear on your current Driver's License or state-issued ID."

I quickly searched online newspapers for obituaries, and within seconds I got a recently deceased person’s information, including the full name, date of birth, and zip code.

I have then created this fake account to access the site:

username: deloresschamma@iamdead.com
password: word4sux

Running Scared - Login

After examining the page's source code, the "highly guarded exclusive for mature eyes only" trailer is here (no registration required):

http://progressive.stream.aol.com/newline/gl/newline/V/RS/RngScrd_Open_235_700_dl.mov

and their X-rated promotional web game is here (no registration required):

http://www.runningscaredthemovie.com/mature1/index.php

New Line Cinema, who the f*ck do you think you are fooling with?


Ps. New Line Cinema is the same studio made “Alpha Dog”, where Justin Timberlake plays a hardcore street criminal with Chinese character tattoo that says “Ice Skating”.

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

MSG Idol

Notorious MSG - Kitchen
www.notoriousmsg.com

My favorite parody band, Notorious MSG, had a spoof contest similar to Fox's American Idol called MSG Idol.

"Hundreds tried out, but only one would survive.

This is the story of the seven finalists of the MSG Idol Challenge- ordinary people with extraordinary dreams. For the winner- a guest spot on the upcoming Notorious MSG album. The losers- tossed aside like yesterday's chow mein.

Witness the joy and agony as these competitors bring their skils to the plate in front of Hong Kong Fever, D-Lo, and Funky B! Only the strongest will survive!"

Episode I - Sex it up with Ripper Lam

Episode II - Peter Shen "Unplugged"

Episode III - Who will cry for Eustace Park?

Episode IV - Get your freak on with Hyung Jin Kim

Episode V - Angus Wong: Unleash the Beast

Episode VI - The World of Bobby Chong

The Final Chapter- Lil' Kim Chee

Update: Notorious MSG's interview with Shade45 on Sirius satelite radio earlier 2005.

Monday, February 6, 2006

Bollywood Remakes Fight Club

Bollywood Fight Club

That is correct, ladies and gentlemen, Bollywood is remaking Fight Club. Apparently the 1999 original version did not have enough muscial scenes for the Indian audiance's taste.

For your viewing pleasure (wmv format):

Trailer 1 - "Rule #1. You break it, you buy it."

Trailer 2 - "Rule #2. Thank you, come again."

Muscial scene 1 - Rain stage in a crowded club where memebers of the fight club dance around a stripper pole, what is that all about?

Muscial scene 2 - Man and woman dance (or dry humping) to the music on the beach, then camera cuts to Fight Club poster.

Musical scene 3 - Esteban clones dance behind the female lead, and she sings "you gotta go fight them".

Muscial scene 4 - With the background looks like came straight out of "The Sound of Music", a young couple shares a song on top of a mountain and log stacks?!

Related: The original Fight Club's trailer remade to look like a romantic comedy.

Sunday, February 5, 2006

Decapitated Buddha Head

Decapitated Buddha Head
(Objects, Biltmore Fashion Park, Phoenix, Arizona)

I saw this decapitated Buddha statue head been used as a doorstop at Objects today. Objects should be thankful that Buddists are not as touchy as the Muslims, otherwise the store will be gone within hours, perhaps minutes.

I have always thought it is ironic that the most radical Islamic militant group, Hamas, would have "ham" in its name. Can't these genius have picked a better name?! Geez, how about "Al Suicide Bombers R Us" or "ASBRU". It would be pronounced as "ass-brew", which symbolizes where all their great ideas came from, brewed straight out of their asses.

If a pyramid-scheme for selling household items can't even support itself, why would these idiots believe in 72 virgin women will be promised for them in heaven?


http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/010009.php

If male suicide bombers will receive virgin women, then will the female suicide bombers receive virgin men?

Brokeback Hour

With all the Brokeback Mountain parodies out there, I felt that minorities are lacking air time. That is why I have created "Brokeback Hour" by mashing clips of “Rush Hour” starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker with Gustavo Santaolalla’s song, “The Wings”.


video: http://tinyurl.com/l4b2z

Friday, February 3, 2006