Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Booty Boys feat. Conan O'Brien

The Booty Boys have created two new tracks featuring NBC's Late Night Show host Conan O'Brien. The songs are titled "Call Me C" and "Go To Hell When I Die".

"Call Me C" (1.4 MB mp3)


It's the Booty Boys bringing it with Conan O'Brien

Droppin' the beat with the heat and it's like he's not even tryin'

Coneezy O'Breezy the humeezy beat beezy

Call me S, Call me B, Call me C fo sheezy

He brings the beat box that will boggle your head

And it could even bring Abe Vigoda back from the dead

So Big C lay it down and get your groove on

Cause your beat is so dope "For me to poop on!"

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

I'm the Human Beat Box

With the vocal drum beat you make it sound so sweet

You could fire Max and save $100 a week

Throw your hands in the air like you just don't care

Or put 'em in your underwear like the masturbating bear

He's set to impress all the women he stalks

So holla out your name "I'm the Human Beat Box"

So fathers and mothers and Dr. Joyce Brothers

Booty Boys and Coney Cone just forget all the others

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

I'm the Human Beat Box

"Go To Hell When I Die" (2.5 MB mp3)


I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I can't be saved, it's too late for me

I'm going to H-E Double L when I D-I-E

You could say I'm messed up, but I'm keepin' it real

I'll sleep with your mom for a home cooked meal

Give a guy with no legs a new pair of shoes

And give Ben Affleck a bottle of booze

I Call up Nick Lechey, tell him he's gay

Then ask Jessica to spell Chevrolet


I sent Al Roker a box of crullers

With a dozen jelly donuts and a staple remover

I sent Abe Vigoda a cookie basket

With some flowers and a catalogue to pick out a casket

Jacked Michael J. Fox for his time machine

Then I grabbed a couple hookers and Charlie Sheen

And got 'em all to take a trip back in time with me

So we could pee on R. Kelly when he turned 14


I pick Kirstie Alley up out of the gutter

Throw her in a ring with Sally Struthers

Cover them with syrup and melted butter

And see how long it takes before they eat each other

I challenge Stephen Hawkings to some one on one

Slam dunk on that bitch like Alan Iverson

Tried to race Andy Dick but he lost control

Ran his motherfucking car into Billy Joel


Push an old lady down a flight of stairs

And pull out the rest of Ron Howard's hair

And lock a PETA member in a room full of bears

And hook Gary Coleman up with a job at the fair

Keep an unofficial count of Star Jones' chins

Cast Hillary Swank and Matt Damon as twins

Start a petition that Conan will hate

Get the Tonight Show cancelled in 2008


Friday, December 24, 2004

The Real Slim Santa (Please Stand Up)

The Real Slim Santa
(1.81 MB mp3)


May I have your attention please,

May I have your attention please,

Will the real Slim Santa please stand up.

I repeat will the real Slim Santa please stand up.

We're gonna have a problem here.

You all act like you've never seen Santa before,

Toys all over your floor, who the hell ya think brought them?

It wasn't your drunk dad or your mother that whore,

It was me and now I'm skinny and I'll tell you the score.

Its the return of Christmas but not the jolly fat elf,

my ass got so big I couldn't wipe it myself.

My doctor said, "Santa you've never looked worse, lose 200 pounds

or your heart's gonna burst."

Everybody loved me big and fat


Big ass Santa look at him walking around,

his belly like jelly, have some more eggnog.

They didn't give a *fuzz* if my arteries clogged,

So I said *fuzz* them and I joined a gym.

Started eatting low-fat cookies and drinking milk that was skim.

I lost so much weight I can see my candy cane,

and Mrs. Clause is happy I can *fuzz* her again.

(Your name is on my list) x2,

and if your nice, not naughty I might give you a little gift.

But here's a message for you if your a big fat slob,

If your gut is in the way your girl won't bobble your knob.

You can't expect a hoe to gobble your goo,

if you just sit there eatting twinkies,

watching Scooby Doo.

If you ain't nothing but chubby,

no girl wants a fat hubby, you'll end

up working construction.

Your love life lies in ruins and destruction,

by the time your 30 you'll be asking Santa for liposuction.

But if your thin you'll get seduction,

underneath the mistletoe.

Sing the chorus and it goes!

I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the real Kringle.

All you fly girls like my balls cause they jiggle,

so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up.

Cause I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the Saint Nick.

All you other fat Santa's can suck my fat *fuzz*,

so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up.

Ho-Ho-Ho I guess theres a Slim Santa in all of us.

On Donner on Blitzen lets get the *fuzz* out of here!


Monday, December 6, 2004

Nike, You Should Have Listened To Me

In early November, I posted an entry on Hanzi Smatter pointing out the numerous errors Nike made in their basketball ad campaign featuring NBA star Lebron James. The slogan for the “trans-cultural” ad campaign was humorously translated as "extinguish fire but with base".

I have also emailed Nike about the mistakes they have made, but I got their cold shoulder of “we will look into it”.

Today, both BBC News and Jeremy’s broke the news that China has officially banned Nike’s ad based on “it offends national dignity”.

Even though, personally I was not offended by Nike’s marketing. It really surprised me that with such large and well known company, their advertising department really does not do a whole lot of research.

I hate to say this, but Nike, you really should have listened to me.