The Intel Song

From the industry grapevine (thanks Stefan), I was forwarded with this song titled “Intel Care”.


"Intel Care" 1.10 MB mp3, mirror

Apparently this song is used in Intel’s internal training in China, as well as to boost employees’ morale during daily morning exercises.

Our operation is satisfaction,
We are sure perfection,
Quality we fair achievement we share,
For the staff Intel cares…

Intel, Intel,
The leading company,
Intel, Intel,
We work in harmony…

We are proud to say we lead all the way,
Technology today…
With a better show to the front we go,
Just watch us as we grow.

Intel, Intel,
The place for you to be,
Intel, Intel,
The happy family…

For some unknown reason, I was visualizing Barney singing this while strapped with an AK47, and at the end of the song, he lets out a loud 殺.

* The illustration shown above is an old Chinese propaganda poster. I added the blue Intel logo as satire.

Related: Intel in Your Community - China

Apple iPad

videos: Metacafe and YouTube

“Don’t worry, each iPad comes pre-installed with vaginal firewall protection.”


Related: China's Apple Sweatshop Workers and Inside China's "iPod City".

Gone Connie Chung

Video clip of Connie Chung’s “singing” during the final episode of Maury and Connie has been making rounds on various websites as well as on several television shows.

video: gawker.com, onegoodmove.org, and thatvideosite.com

How do I feel about Connie Chung?

First of all, I am all for Chinese people get more exposure in American media. Having said that, I consider Connie Chung as an embarrassment.

I often think of her as the equivalent of an ass zit. It is uncomfortable until it has been popped, even with that, the puss is smeared everywhere and contaminating everything it touches.

As a journalist, she is absolutely terrible. Many stories and interviews she has done during her career were just plain fluff. I would have compared her to journalism as fluffers to the porno business, but I felt that was disrespectful to the fluffers.

Who could ever forget her tricking Newt Gingrich’s mother to confess about what her son thought about Hillary Clinton? She told Kathleen Gingrich to “just whisper it in my ear” and “it would be off the record”, and then later aired the so-called “off record” portion of the interview.

Later she would face more flack from the public when she asked an Oklahoma City official, “Can you people in Oklahoma handle something this big and disastrous?” on the wake of 1995 bombing.

In her June 17th performance, while wearing a white dress and lounging on top of a piano (why was the pianist there, especially when he did not play a single note?), she sang:

“Thanks for the memories,
we came to do a show,
with very little dough.
By little, I mean I can make more
working on the skid row…”

Who are you kidding, Connie Chung? And I want my refund.

Hater Jesus by Everclear

I am really digging this new humorous music video called “Hater” featuring an “alternative” version of Jesus Christ.

The band Everclear has dedicated it to "Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and all others who hate in the name of Jesus."


video: ifilm

The video was shot in Portland, Oregon, where I recognized two main landmarks.

One is Hung Far Low, a historical Chinese restaurant in Portland’s old Chinatown.



The other one is Magic Garden.

Many people have confused Magic Garden as a Chinese restaurant, since it is located near Chinatown and there is a Chinese Garden not far from there.

Magic Garden is actually a really neat bar with female strippers.

Unlike the stereotypical stripper clubs, where patrons are pestered with private dances and minimum amount of drinks, Magic Garden is more of a bar than a stripper club. The naked ladies in the background are just there as a bonus.

Although in this video, Jesus still had his crown of thorns, stigmata, wooden cross, turning water into wine, I find some of his new qualities very refreshing.

Dog Skin Patch

狗皮膏 literally means "dog skin patch", is a type of common Chinese medicine adhesive patch for muscle pains.



Check out the first sentence under "Actions and Indications":

To expel wind-cold evils, promote blood circulation and relieve pain.

I didn't know muscle pain relief required exorcism.

"Be gone, you wind-cold evils!"


Note: During World War II, the Chinese resistance called the Japanese flag as 狗皮膏药旗 or 膏药旗.

It was a derogatory term referring to the Japanese flag looked like traditional kind of 狗皮膏, where a dab of medicine paste was smeared in the center of rectangular fabric patch.

This term is still used in many parts of China.

Twinkie Furious

Over the weekend I watched The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift. Although it was entertaining to watch a simple plotted film about fast cars, there were still many holes in the script.

For example, the movie starts with Sean Boswell (Lucas Black) got stopped by a security guard at his high school entrance’s metal detector. There are no metal detectors in any of Arizona’s pubic schools, especially in Phoenix metro area. I know this is because I live here.

The most humorous part of this film is Little Bow Wow, or should I call him by his grown up stage name – Bow Wow (Shad Gregory Moss), was nicknamed “Twinkie”.

Among the homosexuals, “twinkie” or “twink” is used to describe a young or young-looking male, usually of slender build, only slightly muscular, with little or no body hair.

Among the Asians, “twinkie” is usually referring to someone who is biologically Asian, yet tries very hard to be accepted as White. The reference comes from Hostess’ snack, where it is Yellow on the outside and White on the inside. “Twinkie” to Asians is like calling a Black person “Oreo”.

Since majority of the filming crew were Asians, including Taiwanese-American director Justin Lin (林詣彬), I don’t know if “twinkie” was just an inside joke.


Related:
Angry Asian Man - Some Thoughts on Tokyo Drift
SF Gate - Switching Gears
Asian Week - Get My Drift?
Poplicks - I'll Stop the World and Drift with You

Keyless Entry

Car doors with vertical locking knobs can be easily defeated with a plastic card, straw and dental floss.

1. Insert the plastic card underneath the rubber weather stripping and the car’s frame to provide a small gap.



2. Flatten the straw and loop dental floss through the inside of it.

3. Insert flattened straw along with the dental floss loop through the gap.

4. Loop over the locking knob; pull on the ends dental floss to tighten the loop.



5. Pull up and unlocks the door.

Smells like Ukulele Spirit

Videos: Google Video or Windows Media 14.2 MB

I found this great music video on Google Video today. It is the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain playing a cover of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” live on Jools Holland's Hootenanny in 2005.

The best part of the video is their lead singer, Peter Brooke-Turner, looked like a mutant offspring cross between Chris Noth and Al Gore.

Best Engrish Shirt Ever!

Patrick has spotted this young lady in Japanese train wearing the best Engrish shirt ever!

Temple of What?!

My friend Patrick has recently attended the Sakura (Japanese name for ornamental cherry trees) and North Fujiwara Festival in Japan.

Here is an interesting photo of a sign for a cultural and historical temple:


http://www.hanenosuke.com/blog/?p=140

操肏寺 literally means “Temple of Fuck”.

Bus Uncle

video: YouTube

In late April of this year, a young man was riding a Hong Kong bus tapped a fellow passenger on the shoulder to inform him that he was talking loudly on his mobile phone.

The young man’s action was countered with a string of verbal insult from the loud talker, now dubbed as “Bus Uncle”. The entire event was captured by another passenger named “John” on his mobile phone and uploaded to YouTube.

EastSouthWestNorth has more details about this incident.

Personally, I am very impressed with Hong Kong newspapers' investigative reporting ability. Not only they have tracked Bus Uncle down, they have published his personal information (including height and weight), and profiled his wardrobe.