Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pretentious Douche Bag with Apple iMac G5 at a Coffee Shop

Pretentious Douche Bag with Apple iMac G5 at a Coffee Shop 1039

I am sure there are many good reasons for you to drag your newly purchased 25 lbs with 20” display Apple iMac G5 to a coffee shop.

1. Poor vision; must need large display (rumor says too much masturbation would cause eye sight deterioration).

2. Cheap; don’t want to spend extra monthly fee for a broadband connection at home.

3. Broke; iMac G5 is price tagged at $1,799.


You are just a pretentious douche bag with a greasy rat-tail front-to-back comb-over. Perhaps you think if you would flash your new toy at a coffee shop you would make new friends.

Wrong, you lonely miserable fuck.

No one was impressed by your new toy. Most of them think you are an inconsiderate selfish slime bag that takes up valuable table space.

Pretentious Douche Bag with Apple iMac G5 at a Coffee Shop 1038

Pretentious Douche Bag with Apple iMac G5 at a Coffee Shop 1037


  1. The concept of laptops must be beyond his scope of comprehension or something.

    What kind of moron hauls any sort of desktop computer around?

  2. That's hilarious. It reminds me of the days of Sega vs Nintendo when they showed a commercial of a guy on a plane playing his SNES with a huge TV and an extension cord, with a kid and his little Game Gear next to him ...

  3. No fucking way. I thought it was bad when I snapped a pic of a guy who brought his inkjet with him to Starbucks. The desktop wins.

  4. Well, he certainly got the attention he wanted, didn't he. I mean, a lot of people here seem to have gotten their panties in a wad over him.

  5. That is the funniest/most pathetic thing I've seen in a long time. Seriously, I snorted.

  6. there wasa this homeless tech dude in nyc a while ago that would hang out at a starbucks with his big pc...'course he was poor and using one he dumpster dived for.

  7. he obviously has more to do than the posers moaning about him. I mean really, why should ANYONE in a coffee shop ANYWHERE give a flying fertilization what you think of him and his computer. He's obviously not 18, and therefore probably immune to peer pressure from 18-year-old wannabees about what's "cool"

  8. even uglier old fart,

    It is not about being “cool” or not, it is about this person’s complete lack of common courtesy.

    Usually a coffee shop has limited amount of seating, by him hogging a large table for himself and his toy, other customers would have less places to sit.

    I can understand people would bring their laptops with them to a coffee shop to do some work while enjoying coffee, but bring in a full size desktop is a bit excessive.

    You are right about him being immune to others and he is not an 18 yr. old, perhaps someone should have taught him the concept of common courtesy long time ago.

  9. It appears that he is not doing anything with his iMac G5 but looking at the pretty ladybug and the green desktop background.

    Maybe he is looking for the "any" key.

    What kind of idiot drags his G5 around?!

    Does that shop have any security cameras around? I hope someone would steal it while he is not looking, or spills a drink on it.

  10. It looks like this old fart might be the American version of "dog poop girl".

  11. Uh, more likely he doesn't have a G5 powerbook because Apple doesn't make them! :P They're struggling big time to get anyone to buy their out of date portables.

    Guess he's going back to "lug-ables" to get the chipset.

  12. What if someone actually asked the guy what he was doing there? I know I have ended up, for various reasons, with a desktop PC stuck in odd places due to work reasons where I was thinking "man, I must look like a dork sitting here messing with linux on a desktop PC in semi public location X"

  13. Givent he footprint of the iMac, I doubt he was taking more room than a large laptop would.

  14. I think mick nailed it. Sounds like there is a lot of hate on this entry. Give the guy a break! Without talking to the guy, he may have had a good reason, or he may not have.

  15. why the hate people? he has every right to do what he wants

  16. But it's so much more fun to have an immediate angry reaction, especially when someone has something you can't afford! Let's have a big circle jerk about it and when we're all spent we'll move on to something else.

  17. I'm sure he can afford the risk dragging it around like that, what with all the money he's saved living in his mom's basement.

  18. Only thing more pathetic that that dude is someone who takes pictures of that dude for their gay self-loving blog

  19. What is ever worse is the “passive aggress cum sac” that prefer anonymity yet still wants his voice heard, therefore signs his comment with “observer”.

  20. you should go write a blog

  21. Those of you claiming that he's being rude and taking up too much space... did you think someone was going to sit on that table space directly in front of him?!

  22. I'd have just sat behind him and giggled while I read his email and watched him surf porn. I mean, rude or not, table-hog or not, there's something to be said for giving up your privacy by hauling a huge freaking monitor into a public space!

  23. I agree with Mick, observer, and a. You anonymous guys are being way too hard on the guy. First of all regardless of whether if coffee shops are usually short of space or not, it sure doesn't look too crowded in that pic.

    Secondly, you have no idea what he's doing. My uncle who lives in the US lives in a nice suburb and works as a programmer. However, due to some oddities in the shapes of zones in which one can get DSL or cable modem service, he can't get broadband at home. He does have 56K dial-up, but that sucks. He doesn't have a laptop either, as he says he's not as productive on them. While he hasn't taken his desktop to a coffee shop that I know of, he has brought it over to my family's place (about 10 minutes away).

    It's unusual to lug a desktop to a coffee shop, but that guy in the photo wasn't disturbing anyone, and may well have had a good reason to be there. And everyone, just because he's out of shape and middle aged DOES NOT MEAN HE'S LOOKING AT PORN!!! I honestly have no idea where you guys got that idea.

    BTW, I want to ask Tian something. I've seen many mocking posts on your blog. I'm talking about this one, the fat people on the sinking boat, several about bad Chinese character tattoos, the one about bumper stickers and a few others. I've noticed that all of the truly insulting posts I've seen are directed at westerners. Have you ever posted such mean stuff about Chinese people too, or do you have some kind of axe to grind?

    BTW, this is not to say I dislike your blog. Some of the stuff you've put up here is great.

  24. Mark,

    Have you read the one I wrote about Muslims?

  25. Before everyone taking sides either for the "pretentious douche bag" or against him,

    here is an article that I suggest everyone to read:


    Having that said, I respect everyone's opinion and I am very glad to see there is a dialogue between all sides.

    By the way, regardless if it was right or wrong, it was just my opinion.

  26. Mark,

    Here are some entries that may be considered as "Chinese bashing", please let me know if they are not "bashing" enough, I would be happy to modify them as requested:

    meet chinese beatles

    chinese military train soldier to be gaming geeks

    chinese criminal organization recruiting ad

    chinese woman seeking husband

    gang of four figurine

    bake the call phone

    If you do a search in my achieve, you will find more Engrish examples.


  27. Mark,

    Don't forget "Kung Fu on Crack".

    That was a good one too.

    Also please take a chill pill, dude, just because someone is having a little fun with America, don't get all ass hurt about it.

    Just think of America to global power as Microsoft to computer operating system, or Walmart in the consumer chain stores, the bigger you become, the more criticism you will receive.

    So pucker up, sugar tush, and take it like a macho American heterosexual christian man.

  28. Maybe he just wanted to know if the wireless card built into his new Mac was working right.

    Weird, yes. Pretentious? Maybe. Rude? Doubtful.

  29. Anonymous: Avoid wallmart? Fine. Start verbally assaulting the employees and shoppers? Then you've got a problem. Complain about the current US government, vote against it, or urge your own government not to work with it? Fine. Start stereotyping and discriminating against all Americans? Then you're a bigot. If you can't tell, I don't like bigots (of any variety). Sod off.

    Tian: It makes me feel good to see it's equal opportunity bashing. I'll take your word on those links. Sorry if I over reacted... I've just seen too many foreigners living in China or the US (or just about anywhere) get addicted to bashing the culture of the place they live. Besides, a lot of posters were being absolute assholes to some poor guy who wasn't bugging anyone AFWK.

  30. he's no douchebag, that's my baby's daddy. he's only doing that so he can stalk Neil Diamond from an anonymous IP. quite natural really. Also, those are extensions.

  31. Mark,

    Who put hot sauce on your tampon?

    So if someone does not like globalization, anti-trust, and world policing, then he/she is a bigot?

    You have got to be kidding me.

    Anyway, how about use your own blog to voice your opinion instead use this place as your personal soapbox?

  32. Mark,

    Go take some Midol.

    You are NOT obligated to leave comments here when you don't agree with someone else's opinion.

  33. Mark,

    If you decide to end your miserable life, I will do my best not to cry.

  34. For people so vehemently opposed to Mark judging them, everyone sure is being nasty to everyone else. I think it is great that Mark is actually trying to think out real arguments instead of “yeah, he totally is a douche bag”.

    Looks like this post isn’t about just one pretentious douche bag.

    Also it’s really lame to make threatening and insulting posts anonymously.

    (At this point, the person who posts after me has an obligation. Your post has to be… anonymous… and insulting. Maybe claiming that I should have better things to do with my time. And that I’m a douche bag.)

  35. Give the guy a break.

    1) He's tanned - probably lives in Florida.

    2) Hair is a little greasy and pulled back - probably hasn't had a shower.

    3) Probably has no power at home either.

    A whole lot of people still don't have power or water services after Hurricane Wilma.

  36. I got one of those 20" LCD iMacs. You would have to pay me in order to move the damn thing anywhere else within my frickin house! The damn thing weighs about 40 pounds!

    I think yeah, this is a douchebag.

  37. You guys sound like insecure (and slightly jealous) pricks that have a constant need for someone to bully.

    I'm amused. Not at him (well, okay it was a bit funny), but at all the hate you guys love to spew.

  38. Maybe he's doing a sociological survey about non-conformity, on whether it elicits hostile, neutral or positive reactions. He's just sitting at the table minding his own business. So if someone is a bit or acting "different", let's ball up all our hate and plaster him with it. If I look "weird", have bad hair, I hope I don't run into the likes of you with a camera. Why don't you try not to be so invested?

  39. Couldn't the iMac have been put there by the coffee shop? A bunch of coffee shops around here have free PC's for customers.

  40. Or #4: You own the joint.

    Geesh drop a valium or light a fatty will ya, or better yet ask questions first assume diatribe later...

  41. dreadful. well, while mark's first post did make me think that he was a bit of a crybaby wet blanket, he took points quite well and didn't seem very offended OR offenSIVE...i think it's only polite to leave the guy alone...it's totally unprovoked...so someone doesn't agree that the guy looks like a total schmuck with a desktop computer at a coffee shop. i really don't think that it's necessary to get pissed because someone doesn't agree with an extremely unimportant opinion about a stranger that you'd never recognize if you saw him on the street.

    now...as for my own personal opinion...hah, i got a good chuckle. the guy DOES look like an idiot. and i do generally perceive people who go overboard with things like...getting dressed up to go work out, talking loudly on your cell phone in public places about things that they may think will make them look superior to others as arrogant. and simple minded.

    and that midol crack was rich.

  42. It's not as unusual as it seems to take an iMac with you somewhere. Maybe not to a coffee shop very often, but look at luggerbags.com and you'll see bags made specifically for toting them. A 17" weighs just over 15 lbs., a 20" about 22 lbs. It's not that hard to move. By the way, the bags are pretty popular.

  43. Then AGAIN, he does have the look of a dirtball. Like Wayne Knight's character from Jurassic Park, add hairpiece.

  44. it makes you want to show up with a G5 tower and two 30" Cinema Displays and sit at the next table. you and your puny imac, take that!

  45. I hope you think it's cool that I found this page by doing a google image search for "douche bag".

  46. I found this page doing a google search (douche bag)and really got into the comments! What's wrong with a laugh at an obvious douche bag in a coffee shop with a *#$*'in boat anchor for a PC. Come on people, he's an asshole! If you can't take a joke go find a Christian web site or better yet...go whack it off in the bathroom!

  47. Who cares if it's not fair to call this guy a douche bag? It's funny, and I think that's what Tian was going for.

  48. ...
    Apparently: Taking your mac to a coffee shop is serious business.


    How dare anyone mock anyone. Ever! ;)

    As an American though, I"m starting to get very annoyed at the whole: "You insult 1 American, you insult all of America!"

    We're a big country. Trust me, there are going to be American's worth mocking. Hell, most people I mock are *gasp* American!

    Anyhow, I could get into a long rant about culture shock handled through humor, but this is getting way too serious for a post and comments that were, and were intended to be, funny.

    Tian, you totally won. Have an internets.