Tuesday, April 26, 2005

"Do You Know Yao Ming?"

I have several instant message accounts with Yahoo, MSN, and AIM, but I rarely use them. The only reason I have them is when I signed up for their free email accounts, all these IM extras are assigned to me automatically. I usually just let them run in the background via Trillian.

But today I had an interesting chat with a young lady from Florida; it is kind of humorous, perhaps some standup comedian out there can use our conversation into his routine.

Her: “I would like a photo of you.”
Me: “Oh? Why? Are you purposing to me?”
Her: “I’m curious and I’ve never been denied before and people are all too eager to display themselves, and no.”
Me: “That is too bad. I don't understand why people would love to be in the spot light, or showing themselves. I have rarely taken photos of myself.”
Her: “Are you Chinese?”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “Are you a Chinese MAN of 20-something age?”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “I knew it.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “It was easy to infer from your blog.”
Me: “Ok.”
Her: “Plus, I don't know anything about you, but you remind me of this other guy I know who fits the same description.”
Me: “What about yourself?”
Her: “21 F Floridian!!!”
Me: “Good lord, there is another 'me' out there?!”
Her: “But in college in MA!!!”
Me: “Sweet.”
Her: “There are probably lots of you.”
Me: “There is a cult of my clones, didn't you know?”
Her: “I had no idea, what about that photo of you?”
Me: “I tell you what, I am a reasonable person, how about we do an exchange, you send me a photo of you and I will reply with mine, just like kindergarten.”
Her: “You can go first.”
Me: “But you asked first, therefore I would insist you go first while I go scramble for some hot Asian male model's photo off the internet, so you will not be too disappointed.”
Her: “I’ll be able to tell if you do that because I know what they all look like since I spend most of my WAKING HOURS looking at MEN on the INTERNET.”
Me: “You too?! Wow, we got something in common there.”
Her: “I go to a women's college, are you G-A-Y?”
Me: “That was sarcasm.”
Her: “There are more gays out there than you bargained for.”
Me: “Good lord... That would be last time I will use sarcasm via IM.”
Her: “Well I take everything very literally and subtlety is lost on me.”
Me: “Oh my... and your genetic background?”
Her: “I’m white, is that what you were asking? Lol”
Me: “I usually don't like the word 'ethnicity', because it gets confusing…”
Her: “Yes it does. I’m Scandinavian/German/Irish or something.”
Me: “Sweet, they do have good food, except Irish and Scandinavian, well the Irish got corned beef and cabbage, and the Scands have cod. Not bad. Are you good cook? I am looking for a good cook. Actually what I am really looking for is a sugar mama to pay off my school loans.”
Her: “I have to say I’m mediocre but my parents do a good job at cooking. Oh where are you in school? Are you younger than me? Are you in COLLEGE or GRAD school?”
Me: “What makes you so interested in me?”
Her: “When did I say I was interested in you? Well I think I get your meaning anyway. I don’t know, I just found your site interesting, and you seemed to have that aloof quality which I find sometimes charming, only in men. You’re not the first person I’ve messaged out of the blue... and YOU WON'T BE THE LAST! OOOOOOOOO”
Me: “Ah ha! I love a woman that is willing to confess. I feel cheap after your last I message anyone out of the blue" comment... I need to go wash myself and perhaps eat a gallon of ice cream...”
Her: “Get back on the track now, regarding the photo of you, I want an AUTHENTIC one please.”
Me: “So which photo would you like? Me with an entourage of beautiful women in tiny clothing. Or the dorky version of me?”
Her: “Dorky.”
Me: “Sweet, I got a lot of those laying around here… hold on, slow pc.”
Her: “You look like my professor who is also Chinese and surnamed ‘Chen’.”
Me: “Sweet. Hope you will put my photo into good use. Don’t paste it in truck stops' men's room with 'for a good time...' there is already enough of that around...”
Her: “My professor who is surnamed 'Chen' is missing a few fingers, just thought you’d like to know.”
Me: “That happens when you need to dig deep in the nasal cavities for the few 'gold nuggets’, I personally still have all my ten fingers. I have always used the 'projectile' method. You know, blocking one nose hole, take a deep breath, and force all the pressure to come through the remaining open one... KAPAW!!! Projectile comes out like RPG off an Afghani’s shoulder launcher.”
Her: “Here is my webpage http://www.carbonpictures.com/kat if there is not enough for you to see, then you can visit my 'somewhat tongue in cheek' webpage, which is located at http://www.carbonpictures.com/kat/index2.html I think."
Me: “What is your name?”
Her: “Kat.”
Me: “Kat of what?”
Her: “Florida, Katharine.”
Me: “That is a nice name.”
Her: “Thanks! Do you like my web pages!?”
Me: “Well tell you the truth I have not seen them yet.”
Her: “You best look at 'em, you haven't LIVED.”
Me: “Are you going to do the z-formation snaps at me if I don't? 'you best to see it, sistah' *snap snap snap* I like carbonpictures.com, it has a nice layout.”
Her: “That is awesome but you are supposed to be focusing on /kat.”
Me: “Your page is fine too, but I was hoping for some tittas, isn't that what internet is really for? Great big tittas!”
Her: “Haha naw, my page is TONGUE IN CHEEK but not really. I mean every word about Turks joining the NBA; I give a hoot about sports. Plus I need to repose for the night soon!”
Me: “Don't worry the tongue-in-cheek thing, you will eventually graduate into 'something else' in the cheeks.”
Her: “FOREIGNERS LIKE YAO MING!!!! Do you know him?”
Me: “Of course, Yao Ming and I hang out all the time.”
Her: “He is nothing but a freak of nature.”
Me: “We cruise the Austin on the weekends to pick up some local ho's, yo. I am telling you, Texas, ain't nothing but steers and queers...”
Her: “Now Latrell Sprewell, there's a real man…”
Me: “Who?”
Her: “He plays for the t'wolves. Sorry if I bored the Christ out of you with all this basketball talk well I got to go to bed I have class tomorrow.”
Me: “Aright, peace out, biatch.”
Her: “Please don’t call me biatch. Tootles.”
Me: “That is not what MTV and David Chappelle said.”


  1. Wow! You have a long conversation with that "lady" -- I think I would better call her a girl.

    I would have told her off if I were you.

  2. I hope she is not a cyberstalker.

  3. ROFLMAO. I have not laughed that hard in a long time, thank you so much ;)

  4. lol what a great sarcasm in the whole convo. And this is one example to show that blonde are dumb.

  5. How do you know she is blonde? There was no where in the conversation mentioning her hair colour.