2005 Work-Place Vocabulary

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.



BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.



SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.



ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.



SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.



CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.



PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)



MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.



SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".



STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.



PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.



ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded

"administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.



404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.



OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').



GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.



AUSSIE KISS: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.



BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am in the morning.



BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.



BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.



BREAKING THE SEAL: Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.



GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.



JOHNNY-NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.



MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth seeing.



MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa!Aa!Aa!".



MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.



MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.



SALAD DODGER: An excellent phrase for an overweight person.



(thanks to Stefan)

The Notorious MSG Story - Hot In The Kitchen

The original Chinatown bad boys, Notorious MSG, has a documentry track on their CD called "Hot In The Kitchen":

"We got to keep it real. Coming from the streets of Chinatown, we got to represent. Yes, we got represent our ghetto, our part of the 'hood. You hear about the Oaktown, you hear about the Bronx, your hear about the Bucktown, the OC... We are here to show you the Eastside of Chinatown, bitch. Welcome to the jungle, muthersucker..."

hotinthekitchen.avi (21 MB Divx avi)

Chinese Military Train Soldiers To Be Gaming Geeks

During a military news segment of Chinese Central Television's broadcast, it showed soldiers of Chinese army are been trained to be gaming geeks by playing bootlegged copies of Counter Strike, a popular first-person shooting video game.

Instructor Wang Qiang quoted saying: "Our priority is not about battling Muslim terrorists, but to kick some teenager punks' asses. We are tired of getting our asses handed to us by some zit-faced kid living in Des Moines, Iowa."






Update: TechTV has featured this story in their Screen Saver show.

Conan O'Brien Laughed at Gates during CES 2005

At CES 2005, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates ran into more than his share of problems. Here's a clip of him on Conan O'Brien's show, which underscores the theory that if something can go wrong, it will.

Kikkoman Dork

Randall emailed me this dork above... Kikkoman (aka. Soy Sauce Warrior) has an website. Be sure to watch the video.



Kikkoman is originally a Japanese brand of soy sauce.

Bitchy Taiwanese Hooker

(click on image for larger view)



Andras forwarded me this picture from MacNN forum.



It is obvious that this woman is quite upset about her husband running away with this "Bitchy Taiwanese Hooker" named "Teresa Chou Liang". Although having the sign(s) in bilingual is very clever, but I am disappointed that she did not provide "Bitchy Taiwanese Hooker"'s phone number.



bitchyhookersign.jpg

Booty Boys feat. Conan O'Brien

The Booty Boys have created two new tracks featuring NBC's Late Night Show host Conan O'Brien. The songs are titled "Call Me C" and "Go To Hell When I Die".





"Call Me C" (1.4 MB mp3)



Lyrics:



It's the Booty Boys bringing it with Conan O'Brien

Droppin' the beat with the heat and it's like he's not even tryin'

Coneezy O'Breezy the humeezy beat beezy

Call me S, Call me B, Call me C fo sheezy

He brings the beat box that will boggle your head

And it could even bring Abe Vigoda back from the dead

So Big C lay it down and get your groove on

Cause your beat is so dope "For me to poop on!"



Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

I'm the Human Beat Box



With the vocal drum beat you make it sound so sweet

You could fire Max and save $100 a week

Throw your hands in the air like you just don't care

Or put 'em in your underwear like the masturbating bear

He's set to impress all the women he stalks

So holla out your name "I'm the Human Beat Box"

So fathers and mothers and Dr. Joyce Brothers

Booty Boys and Coney Cone just forget all the others



Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

Call me Human Beat Box

Call me C

I'm the Human Beat Box



"Go To Hell When I Die" (2.5 MB mp3)



Lyrics:



I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die

I'm Gonna Go To Hell When I Die



I can't be saved, it's too late for me

I'm going to H-E Double L when I D-I-E

You could say I'm messed up, but I'm keepin' it real

I'll sleep with your mom for a home cooked meal

Give a guy with no legs a new pair of shoes

And give Ben Affleck a bottle of booze

I Call up Nick Lechey, tell him he's gay

Then ask Jessica to spell Chevrolet



Chorus



I sent Al Roker a box of crullers

With a dozen jelly donuts and a staple remover

I sent Abe Vigoda a cookie basket

With some flowers and a catalogue to pick out a casket

Jacked Michael J. Fox for his time machine

Then I grabbed a couple hookers and Charlie Sheen

And got 'em all to take a trip back in time with me

So we could pee on R. Kelly when he turned 14



Chorus



I pick Kirstie Alley up out of the gutter

Throw her in a ring with Sally Struthers

Cover them with syrup and melted butter

And see how long it takes before they eat each other

I challenge Stephen Hawkings to some one on one

Slam dunk on that bitch like Alan Iverson

Tried to race Andy Dick but he lost control

Ran his motherfucking car into Billy Joel



Chorus



Push an old lady down a flight of stairs

And pull out the rest of Ron Howard's hair

And lock a PETA member in a room full of bears

And hook Gary Coleman up with a job at the fair

Keep an unofficial count of Star Jones' chins

Cast Hillary Swank and Matt Damon as twins

Start a petition that Conan will hate

Get the Tonight Show cancelled in 2008



Chorus