2005 Work-Place Vocabulary

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.



BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.



SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.



ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.



SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.



CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.



PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)



MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.



SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".



STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.



PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.



ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded

"administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.



404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.



OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').



GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.



AUSSIE KISS: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.



BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am in the morning.



BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.



BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.



BREAKING THE SEAL: Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.



GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.



JOHNNY-NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.



MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth seeing.



MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa!Aa!Aa!".



MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.



MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.



SALAD DODGER: An excellent phrase for an overweight person.



(thanks to Stefan)