The Real Slim Santa (Please Stand Up)

The Real Slim Santa (1.81 MB mp3)



Lyric:



May I have your attention please,

May I have your attention please,

Will the real Slim Santa please stand up.

I repeat will the real Slim Santa please stand up.

We're gonna have a problem here.



You all act like you've never seen Santa before,

Toys all over your floor, who the hell ya think brought them?

It wasn't your drunk dad or your mother that whore,

It was me and now I'm skinny and I'll tell you the score.

Its the return of Christmas but not the jolly fat elf,

my ass got so big I couldn't wipe it myself.

My doctor said, "Santa you've never looked worse, lose 200 pounds

or your heart's gonna burst."

Everybody loved me big and fat

ho-ho-ho,

Big ass Santa look at him walking around,

his belly like jelly, have some more eggnog.

They didn't give a *fuzz* if my arteries clogged,

So I said *fuzz* them and I joined a gym.

Started eatting low-fat cookies and drinking milk that was skim.

I lost so much weight I can see my candy cane,

and Mrs. Clause is happy I can *fuzz* her again.

(Your name is on my list) x2,

and if your nice, not naughty I might give you a little gift.

But here's a message for you if your a big fat slob,

If your gut is in the way your girl won't bobble your knob.

You can't expect a hoe to gobble your goo,

if you just sit there eatting twinkies,

watching Scooby Doo.

If you ain't nothing but chubby,

no girl wants a fat hubby, you'll end

up working construction.

Your love life lies in ruins and destruction,

by the time your 30 you'll be asking Santa for liposuction.

But if your thin you'll get seduction,

underneath the mistletoe.

Sing the chorus and it goes!



I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the real Kringle.

All you fly girls like my balls cause they jiggle,

so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up.

Cause I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the Saint Nick.

All you other fat Santa's can suck my fat *fuzz*,

so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up.



Ho-Ho-Ho I guess theres a Slim Santa in all of us.

On Donner on Blitzen lets get the *fuzz* out of here!

WEESSSTTTSIDEEEEE (echoed)

Nike, You Should Have Listened To Me

In early November, I posted an entry on Hanzi Smatter pointing out the numerous errors Nike made in their basketball ad campaign featuring NBA star Lebron James. The slogan for the “trans-cultural” ad campaign was humorously translated as "extinguish fire but with base".



I have also emailed Nike about the mistakes they have made, but I got their cold shoulder of “we will look into it”.



Today, both BBC News and Jeremy’s Danwei.org broke the news that China has officially banned Nike’s ad based on “it offends national dignity”.



Even though, personally I was not offended by Nike’s marketing. It really surprised me that with such large and well known company, their advertising department really does not do a whole lot of research.



I hate to say this, but Nike, you really should have listened to me.

Team America - F_ck Yeah!

The film "Team America - World Police" tells the story of an overzealous gang of anti-terrorist "global peace" enforcers known as Team America. Much of the film is intended to be a parody of the Bush Administration's War on Terror. Most of the heroes and villains represent extreme caricature of both conservative and liberal attitudes towards the war, and American foreign policy in general.



The film also heavily parodies the cliches of other action movies. Despite Parker and Stone's boast that "George W. Bush, John Kerry, Kim Jong-il... will all be really, really pissed off when they see this movie!", neither Bush nor Kerry appear nor are even mentioned. While the protagonists are fictitious, the real names of several Hollywood celebrities and the North Korean dictator are used. None of them approved the use of their names and likenesses in this movie, for apparent reasons. (Wikipedia)



Recommendations:



"America, Fuck Yeah"

"I am so Ronery"

"The End of an Act"

"Submission" by Theo Van Gogh

Theo van Gogh (July 23, 1957–November 2, 2004) was a controversial Dutch film director, television producer, publicist and actor. A descendant of the brother of the famous Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh, he was murdered by a Muslim assassin apparently angered by van Gogh's work and criticism of Islam.

video: submission (via ifilm.com)

F_CK THIS SH!T

larger view: 2004election_fuckthisshit.jpg

Notorious MSG "Straight Out of Canton"

The Notorious MSG:

"From humble beginnings off the streets of New York's Chinatown, these three restaurant workers have carved a path of destruction through the music industry and will not stop until every man, woman and child has succumbed to their sizzling, orange-flavored beats."

Currently I am enjoying their music video titled "Straight Out of Canton" (19MB mov).

"Dim Sum Girl" (3.51MB mp3)
"FOB for Life" (3.26MB mp3)
"Straight Out of Canton" (3.38MB mp3)
"Wok the Party" (2.04MB mp3)

Ben Affleck, the Gay Hairstylist?

In the November 2004 issue of Details magazine, it featured Ben "Please Get Me Some Acting Class" Affleck on the cover. What was hilarious about this issue was not the fact they have picked Affleck to be on the cover, but the mismatch between the cover and the last page, Details' Anthropology section.



For those who aren't familiar with Details' magazine, in every its issue since August of 2003, the feature theme is "Gay or ..."; which points out the similarities between homosexuals and everyday people.



"Gay or Hairstylist" was in this issue. But I have noticed something interesting details between the cover Affleck and the gay hairstylist:



1. Faux-hawk Haircut

2. Waxed Eyebrows

3. Lip Gloss

4. Dark Blazer

5. White Shirt

6. Bronzer

7. Stiff Jeans

8. Motorcycle Boots



More photos:

2004_nov_hairstylist.jpg

Details2004Nov_BenAffleck.jpg



2003 Aug "Gay or Guido"

2003 Oct "Gay or British"

2003 Nov "Gay or Preppy"

2003 Dec "Gay or Magician"

2004 Jan & Feb "Gay or Democratic Front Runner"

2004 Mar "Gay or Jesus"

2004 Apr "Gay or Asian"

2004 May "Gay or Socialite's Husband"

2004 Jun & July "Gay or Country Singer"

2004 Aug "Gay or Wrestler"

2004 Sep "Gay or Trucker"

2004 Oct "Gay or L. A."